He just closed this issue in favor of nutomic's issue which is the basically the same issue

Men face sexism too! You might have heard people dismissing misandry as unimportant because 'there's no systemic discrimination against men' or the famous saying "Misandry irritates. Misogyny kills" Occasionally, you might hear that there is systemic misogyny, which may occasionally backfire against men occasionally. But is this true? Let's look at the facts **The Law** According to a very indepth review by Sonja Starr, she deduced that [Men get 63% longer sentences for the same crime.](https://repository.law.umich.edu/law_econ_current/57/) While it is true that men are more likely to commit crimes, it doesn't explain the gender disparity, which is alot longer than racial disparity, which means even an African American woman would get a shorter sentence than a white man. Men's troubles don't start there. [Men are more likely to be stopped by the police](https://repository.library.northeastern.edu/files/neu:344633/fulltext.pdf), and even when women are stopped, [we are less likely to be arrested](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0047235204000637?via%3Dihub). [Women are also less likely to be killed by the police](https://www.statista.com/statistics/585149/people-shot-to-death-by-us-police-by-gender/). And overally, men are [90% of those in prison](https://www.prisonstudies.org/country/united-states-america), [98% of death row inmates](https://www.statista.com/statistics/199014/gender-distribution-of-prisoners-under-sentence-of-death-in-the-us-in-2009/), and [and 98.8% of those executed.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_women_executed_in_the_United_States_since_1976) Now when we hear that African Americans are unjustly being killed by police at higher rates than white people, we rightly protest and accuse the police of discrimination. We also say that if African-Americans commit more crimes than whites it's due to systemic discrimination against them, but if men receive much harsher sentences than women for the same crime and sentencing history, isn't it systemic discrimination. So, why does this discrimination exist? It's in part due to the ['women are wonderful effect'](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14792779543000002). Some have argued this is only due to women following traditional gender roles, but even when women are not, [we are still seen as wonderful](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1111/j.1471-6402.1991.tb00792.x) Violence against women is seen as almost universally evil especially Western nations. According to research done by Richard B Felson, [people see violence against women worse than violence against men, especially if the perp is a woman](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ab.20323). Men are discriminated against even when they are the victims, [As criminals get harsher punishments for killing women than for killing men.](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J134v03n01_03) **Mental Health** It's a well known fact that [men commit suicide more than women in every country in the world.](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/suicide-rate-by-country) But what is behind this rate? People argue that since women attempt suicide at higher rates than men, it proves that women are the ones in need of help not men. But [men have a higher rate of suicidal intent than women](https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-017-1398-8). It seems that many women could be making a suicidal gesture rather than actually wanting to commit suicide. As a woman, I used to be suicidal but I was able to benefit from therapy, which is what most want. Some also say that men choose more lethal methods, but this is also not indicative of men's suicide rate because [even when men choose the same methods, they still die more than women.](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032711005179) Some say it is due to toxic masculinity, but even that has problems. First of all, if women were more oppressed than men, why would they commit suicide at a higher rate? Secondly, [91% of men who committed suicide did seek help before doing it](https://documents.manchester.ac.uk/display.aspx?DocID=55305) So, what is the reason? Well, [suicide prevention programs work much better for girls than for boys](https://archive.is/3MnuZ). This [study](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/15579883211014776) shows that men are dropping out of therapy prematurely because therapy was created with women in mind. To summarize, if men all over the world commit suicide more than women, even when using the same methods, and men drop out of therapy because it doesnt suit their needs, than isn't it systemic discrimination? **Physical Health** Now, everyone knows that [women live longer than men in almost every country on Earth.](https://www.worldometers.info/demographics/life-expectancy/) But leave alone the fact that men are more likely to commit suicide, die at work (more on than later), die during a conflict (more on than later), drown, die from an injury, and die from child abuse, let's look at mens health. [Men are more likely to die from cancer](https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/understanding/statistics), [heart attacks](https://www.healthline.com/health/heart-disease/statistics), and even [coronavirus](https://www.brookings.edu/blog/up-front/2020/05/15/covid-19-much-more-fatal-for-men-especially-taking-age-into-account/) Despite all this, [women's health receives FOUR TIMES as much funding as men's health](https://prostate.org.nz/2014/01/men-die-earlier-womens-health-gets-four-times-funding/) **Hate crimes** Almost everyone agrees that gay men are oppressed to some degree. [But gay men suffer hate crimes more often than gay women do.](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2019/06/28/anti-gay-hate-crimes-rise-fbi-says-and-they-likely-undercount/1582614001/) Other feminists say this is because lesbians are seen as 'sexier' than gay men. But even [transwomen are more likely to be victims of hate crimes than trans men](https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/transgender-day-remembrance-advocates-honor-lives-lost-violence-n938401). The key here is that even though trans women are women, transphobes dont consider them women, they consider them 'men in dresses' and thus deserving of violence. While transmen usually say that people generally treat them with kid gloves when they find out they were AFAB (assigned female at birth). [Bisexual men endure more discrimination than bisexual women](https://web.archive.org/web/20210319092021/https://sci-hub.st/https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0164430). [72 countries have laws against homosexuality, but only about 40 have laws against female homosexuality](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/jul/27/gay-relationships-still-criminalised-countries-report) So in 27 countries, it's banned for men but not for women. So if men are more likely to be victims of hate crimes, male homosexuality is punished more than female homosexuals, while trans women are being targeted because they are seen as men pretending to be women, doesn't it mean men are systemically discriminated against? **Work** You've probably heard that women make less money than men, and that is an example of discrimination, but the truth is that women choose more fulfilling and safer jobs than men. We also choose jobs closer to home, so we commute less, and we take less overtime and work shorter hours. [Here is a video explaining it all.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58arQIr882w) According to this research, [men work almost twice as long as women in a week, do more work in a week even when unpaid labor is considered](https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/06/12/fathers-day-facts/ft_18-05-01_fathersday_time/). According to this study, [men are much more unhappy at work than women](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0927537197000109) [Men are more than 10 times more likely to die at work than women](https://www.aei.org/carpe-diem/equal-pay-day-this-year-was-april-10-the-next-equal-occupational-fatality-day-will-be-on-may-3-2029/) [Boys are more likely to be put in child labor than girls](https://www.compassion.com/poverty/child-labor-quick-facts.htm), and according to this [study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5161368/), the work they do is very dangerous and harmful. So, how is all of this systemic? Well, there is a general cultural and religious duty of men to provide for women. In Christianity as well as Islam, men are told (and sometimes harshly condemned for not) to provide for women, and our children. This leads to men choosing higher paying but more dangerous, less emotionally fulfilling, and farther away jobs so they can provide for women. However, even though men are in a way 'punished' for choosing such careers by dying more on the job and being more unhappy at work, women aren't really 'punished' for our careers because we still [control most of consumer spending.](https://girlpowermarketing.com/statistics-purchasing-power-women/) Which means that many men work punishing hours at a job they dislike and STILL benefit less than women. This doesn't even take into account all the concessions offices make for women, like breastfeeding rooms, worker maternal leave, etc **Military** Currently, about 60 countries have mandatory drafts for males but only 9 have mandatory drafts for women. In some countries, women serve for a shorter time, like in Israel, women service two years while men serve for 2.5 years. In some cases, [men and boys will be targeted in a military operation or massacre](https://web.archive.org/web/20150712192651/http://www.gendercide.org/case_srebrenica.html). ​ **Retirement rates** [Several countries still have a lower retirement age for women](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Retirement_age) **Homes and homelessness** Men are more likely to be homeless in almost every country on Earth.

I don’t usually use forums or Lemmy, I usually just post comments on Ancap blogs like Molyneux or Cantwell’s blog, but they didn’t seem appropriate places to post my story. So here goes, I just wanted to share this with all of you. Nov 3 I flew to Europe for a Eurotrip type tour. Not a guide or packaged deal, just going around by myself. I paid for half of the trip with the wages I earned over the last two years, my dad paid for the other half. I am 19, I guess that is normal starting college and all. (Before that I worked for my dad’s company part time, so I guess you could say he paid for all of it, lol). I did France and then Italy and then Greece next. I am an Ancap so I wanted to see anarchists in these places. Yes, I know they are different kinds of “anarchists” and not really full anarchists like us. I went to an anarchist book store in Italy and it had a lot of English books, but no Rothbard or Ancap. Like I said, I expected that, not a surprise. I went to Greece, which everyone knows is famous for its revolutionary anarchism, its economic crisis and everything going on right now. Here I found directions for a local anarchist center. I went and didn’t see anybody, but it was covered in graffiti, mostly in Greek so I couldn’t read it. Whatever, I started taking pictures. Then some people came out and confronted me. This should have been my first warning sign something was not right, because photography is not a crime. They were not violent, but they were not friendly, like asking who I was, what I wanted. They all spoke good English actually. Not uncommon in Greece. I said I was a tourist and an anarchist and I just wanted to take pictures. Then they got friendly and told me I should have asked first (but pictures are no NAP violation so I don’t know why, but I didn’t say anything) and they invited me inside. We hung out for a while and smoked hash (there is no good dank in Europe as you might find out like in Cali, everyone smokes hash with tobacco which isn’t as cool as it sounds). We started talking about politics and anarchism. I was trying to talk about the state, they were like yeah no doubt the state was bad. But they wanted to talk about capitalism, capitalism this and that. This is when we started to get into a debate. I told them that what they called capitalism is different from the free market. They said capitalism is free markets. And I said I agreed. That is what I am saying. Real capitalism is free markets. And they said yes, that is what we are trying to get rid of. And I said no, but we don’t even have that right now. We need more free markets. And everyone at the same time was like “nooo” we are anarchists, we are against capitalism. Anarchists oppose capitalism. And I said but not anarcho-capitalists. Anarcho-capitalists are the anarchists who support capitalism. I had a fanny pack (yeah, lame I know) for my camera and in that I had this yellow and black bowtie (also super lame, it was a joke but I wasnt wearing it). And I said look, these are the Ancap colors, yellow and black, like versus the communist red and black. Well, these guys had a lot of red and black in the building already so I thought they would get it. I think that is when it started to get a really bad vibe, really tense in the air. The free market thing was funny, we disagreed but I think they thought I was just confused. Everyone was uncomfortable now. Then someone said markets wont work with democracy. And I said exactly, that’s it, democracy is against anarchism. And they kind of agreed, and said yes, we don’t have real democracy, just governments, and we needed more democracy. I said no, we need less democracy, democracy is the enemy. And we need to end democracy to have anarchy. Then they were all like “noooo” again. You know that thing people do in groups when everyone all says “nooo” or expresses some disapproval at the same time. And one of them said “but we do want to stop democracy” and then they kind of spoke back and forth in Greek. I didn’t really understand it. And they asked me what I meant. So I said okay, I had the floor, I was going to tell them about ancapism. And I tried to explain to them some Rothbard and Hoppe. I said the natural order in anarchy is that the best rise to the top, the market picks who is the best. They compete and are peaceful. They said what do we want instead of anarchy. I said we want private owners to own their own land and businesses, and to employ people. They said that is what we have now. I said no, it would be even better. One of the guys said it was like feudalism. And I said it is not feudalism. Eventually one of the guys spoke up and I thought he was Greek, but he spoke English perfectly so he may have not been. He said he knew what anarcho-capitalism was and that we were basically fascists. He asked me if I thought everything should be private. And I said yes. And he asked me if I thought people were unequal. And I told him yes. And that not everyone would have equal rights. I said everyone has the right to own property and not be done aggression against. But that not everyone had to be treated equally by the owners. He said what about immigrants and racism. And I said that would not happen in a free market, but yes property owners could be racist if they wanted to. They had to respect property. Then he called me a fascist again, and someone else said I was a fascist. And then they basically all started shouting fascist at me, and one of them grabbed me by the wrists. They pulled me out the door, it was up three floors, and basically drug me down the stairs on my back. It hurt really bad and I remember yelling “you’re breaking the NAP” and things like that. “Stop initiating force against me.” Then they kicked me around on the ground in the hallway, before they took my camera and threw me outside. I was crying and stuff, I just sat there. I was in shock because it was so sudden. Looking back there were warning signs though. I think they felt bad for me and gave the camera back, but when I looked later they stole the memory card with all of my Greek photos. So they initiated force and theft. They broke the NAP. I knew the left anarchists were not real anarchists, but I never knew they would do something that bad. I wasnt seriously hurt, just kicked around a little, lots of bruises and little cuts. I am fine guys so don’t worry. Just needed to share.

the world is still entrenched in the supply-and-demand mindset. if demand is reduced then supply should be reduced. which can imply layoffs.

So a couple of days ago a co worker was trying to give me shit for going slow, I responded “ I’m still getting everything done, this is just a job, what are they gonna do, fire me?” Apparently that really upset her and she hasn’t come in the last few days, she’s still on the schedule so I don’t think she quit. The office gossip told me it has something to do with what I said. I’m a little proud of myself.

I'm currently on 20, I'm a noob so I usually stick with 'stable' versions, which might be what 20 is since it has LTS?

I see a lot of down votes and conflict in privacy communities about which one is the best, but tbh, if you're not using fb/sms/email you're pretty much the top 1% of privacy users. So as far as we should be concerned, that's good enough. The debates about signal being better than matrix etc are fine to have, but IMO it'd be more productive if we spoke more about how to get granny, the boss, the nephew, etc on signal, matrix etc. Doesn't matter how good any of our privacy apps are, I almost never meet a single person who uses any of them and have to default to fb. Most people over yonder haven't even heard of the apps that aren't telegram or signal. IMO targeting the discorders(/telegramers) is the lowest hanging fruit. Discord/tg is already bridge compatible with matrix, [if you can use LibreOffice, you can set up the t2bot discord-matrix bridge](https://t2bot.io/discord/).

I wake up at 6am to get ready for work. I arrive back home at 630pm. I sleep at 10am. I earn minimum wage for the 8 hours of work, no benefits, only a 15 minute break allowed at work. So 3.5 hours of "free" time per day. But really, i have to cook/clean to get ready for next day. The work place doesn't provide safety clothes, so I have to frequently sow up holes in my clothes. When i have some spare time, I try to look for a better job.

Professor: Eleanor H. Rosch Lecture 1: Buddist psychology – looking at the mind from the point of view of someone who has a mind. Psychology – looking at mind from 3rd person point of view. Direct experience – knowing what is going on with you. • Alienated from direct experience by personal judgments. 3 major forms of Buddhism in the world: - Teribata – speech of the elders - Mahariana – great vehicle – china, vietnam - Diamond vehicle – japan, china, tiabet - Perhaps a 4th form: Shabala – incorporate wisdom of buddism. Incorporate other features from world. Say individual dev and enlighted society needed to happen at the same time. Buddhism started in india. Earliest form spread to lower eastern asia. 3 yana approach: way of teaching. • Dev of historical mind (see what earlier buddist ppl saw). Each buddism form builds upon each other. • Like a fetus going through evolutionary stages. Gave out a few short readings in different voices. Many articles, trying to get students to feel a connection with an article. After death – nirvana. Don’t specify what nirvana is. Legend in which man finds meaning of words. He doesn’t know meaning of words but thought he did. Went on a quest to find the meaning. Buddism class does not interfere with other religions. - Takes time for material to soak in. Scientism – think science is right, set in stone, unchanging. An obstacle for buddism class, don’t try to analyze how buddism topics fit with other topics. Kids come for an experiment. Some told will get a treat if good job, others not told anything. Kids later brought in and those who were in treat condition did not want to draw, while those told nothing still wanted to draw. Ask self – what is my mind doing right now and is that true? --- Lecture 2: summarized Life of buddha. Some evidence that buddha was a real person in existence. 16 000 yrs ago. Indigenous ppl who may have done some meditating. Archealogists found evidence of shiela. Warrior tribe arose in germany. Had good tech, smelted copper. Made chariots very fast. Spread over much of europe. Himilaya, hindu, india. Conquered local ppl and then settled down. Became farmers and such. Develop castes in india. Religious organization of ppl. Kings, administrators, untouchable doing religiously dirty work. Iron smelting came into existence. Improved quality of life, created more leisure time, created more arts and such. Made more weapons, kingdoms became slightly larger. Made possible collection of taxes, created courts. Helped culture dev. Travel increased. Communication improved. Boats improved. Trade increased. Greeks and Phoenicians trading. War tribe had sky gods as their religion. Similar to greek. Greek religion due to war tribe. Bramans – kept religion in order, sang hyms to sky god while drinking substance. Many rival religious views. Many religions came into being and many faded. Buddha born around this time. He was suppose to be a son of a king. (In myths, most protagonists are suppose to be kings/princes/princesses or woodcutter/beggars.) Little buddha was visited by a sage who prophasized something. Prophecy – either a religious leader or a universal monarch. • No families want their kids to be a religious leader, no family saves for that. King tried to keep everything at the palace perfect to try to make son monarch. Son very good at most things he does. Ppl like him, kept entertained. Buddha falls in love with chief administrators daughter. They get married. Buddha had perfect life, but was not satisfied. Remained in palace grounds for all this time. King finally agrees, orders that city outside palace be cleaned up and made perfect. Day comes for buddha to go out, ppl are suppose to be in their best dress and throwing flowers. In some versions of story, gods provide him with 3 visions. Other versions – can’t clean up human life so much. First thing buddha sees is sick man. Chariot driver explains to buddha what is wrong with the man and that everyone can get sick. Next thing – old lady. Chariot drivers explains that buddha will get old and so will evyone else. Finally, buddha sees a dead person be carried through streets. Buddha asks chariot driver and receives a similar answer. Some versions, he sees a vision of a monk walking peacefully. Monk seems to be not part of whole thing. Buddha goes back to palace and is disturbed. He leaves palace and studies with religious teacher. In each version, he attains what he was suppose. None of the religions worked for him. Does some meditation. Evy religion says others are making mistakes. Buddhism says that 2 types of meditation. - 1 type is where you enter a state of ignorance about the quality of the world. Ignore problems, but think above world. - Other about sterity, great discipline, achieve great power. Buddha has found evything dissatisfactory. Psyc: 2 basic motivations: motives/action tendencies/attractor principles. • Approach – want something. (grasping in early buddism.) Scientist in the crib starts that way. Buddism says it doesn’t work. Wanting things is a someone adversive state. Getting something doesn’t make wanting go away, wanting changes to a different obj. • Avoidance – don’t want something (can be fighting). If flee, then doesn’t remove fear. Destroying something makes someone more aggressive. Trying to get better. • Third: ignoring things. Not officially a psyc motive. Not considered in folk psychology as well. Type of meditation, buddha found it not effective. All 3 of those^ like a carrot in from of a donkey. Buddha saw that human suffering inevitable. Buddha sat under a tree until he found an answer and the tradition started. Some proof that too much choice can be bad for ppl. Experiences go through phases, at first very novel, then novelty dies – elenor. Sit still and feel like what it is to be you for 1 minute. Premeditation. Other one is ‘what is my mind doing’. --- Lecture 3: summarized Meditation is not learning a new skill, it is discovering what is already there. Getting to know the mind that is already there. • Inclusive, not trying to fix things, trying to find everything there is to find. Everything your mind can do is included in this practice. • Cannot be done wrong. • Including (gently). Meditating is not a battle, if it is, then do it gently. Not too tight, not too lose. Vipassana – classic, basic mindfulness. • Polyword, language spoken by terivata. Language of text. Derivative of indian. Means “inside, where clear seeing.” Be presence in experience where they occur in a nonjudgmental fashion. Not related to conceptual mechanisms, different from attention. • The meaning of mindfulness changes as buddism changes. Post colonial revival in south east asia. Initially conquerors disliked buddism and banned it. When colonialism officially ended, buddism came back into popularity. Ppl tried reading the different scripts and thinking back to grandparent techniques. America found: Body scan – Mahasi technique – (from east bay) Parts of meditation: • Shamata – peace. When you let mind, mind will naturally come to peace with contents, despite emotions. Clarity, insight/wisdom. • Traditionally with eyes close. • Try to sit as straight as possible, feet flat on floor (helps with grounding you). • Breathing – simple, reliability. Constant obj of attention. ◦ Trying to focus attention right where breath leaves nostrils. Ex. guard at gate, mule train leaving, then mule train entering, but guard does not move position. Ex. carpenter moving hand saw, if focus on spot where saw sawing through wood, saw remains straight. Shouldn’t focus on movement of saw. Or can try: - paying attention to breath by diaphragm. Can imagine physically wherever. Mind often tries to do other things, like thinking. The mind if like waves, doesn’t just lie there. When attention is lost, turn attention to distraction. Label distraction, if it helps, as what it is (“worring”, “hearing”, “remembering”, “planning”, repeated thoughts; “that one”.) Keep noticing it until it stops coming or changes. Then return to breathing. Don’t worry too much about label name. • Don’t have to label if it is confusing. It’s a way of seeing what mind is doing. Settles world down. Student commented that he noticed he labels a lot throughout his day, noticed due to meditation. • Not emotional labeling, simply detached labeling. Breath is thought of as chi in chinese. Prana in indian. • Meditation practice is to be as simple as possible. Trying not to think of energy component of breath. Maybe don’t want to focus on energy. Can be very individual about meditation choices. Each person can have own way of being mindful. If sleepy, get sleep. If itch, can try to repeatedly notice itching. If too much, scratch it. Not trying to analyze thoughts or suppress thoughts.

Found at https://mastodon.xyz/@lightone/104188129431867733

Found at https://mastodon.xyz/@lightone/101303134609972809

Because default peertube doesn't have this feature and nutomic requested it in 2019.

I don't understand how they lay out their other channel, but there is also some other stuff.

Shill yourself/creators-you-like and I'll subscribe/follow if I like your content :)

#Acronyms and RBN Terminology# --- ##A **ACoN** - Adult Child of Narcissist(s) --- ##B **BIL** - Brother-In-Law **BD** - Bipolar Disorder **BPD** - Borderline Personality Disorder --- ##D **DAE** - Does/Did Anyone Else **DARVO** - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. Common tactics used by abusers. [More info here](https://www.wordnik.com/words/DARVO) and [here](http://changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/coping/darvo.htm). **DoNF** - Daughter of Narcissistic Father **DoNM** - Daughter of Narcissistic Mother --- ##E **Edad/Emom** - Enabler dad/enabler mom **Egg Donor** - Alternate name for abusive/narcissistic mother **Extinction burst** - Activity, usually frantic, before someone gives up on an unrewarded behavior. --- ##F **FLEAS** - Frightening Lasting Effects of Abuse. [What are FLEAS?](http://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/1p1uag/help_i_think_i_am_a_narcissist/) **FM** - Flying Monkey - This is a term that most likely was inspired by "This Wizard of Oz" (as in, the Wicked Witch's Flying Monkeys). When we talk about them in the sub, we are discussing people, family, friends, etc. that are working on behalf of our abusers in order to get information (to pass on to our abusers), guilt us into continuing/resuming contact, justifying our abusers' actions, etc. **FOC** - Family of Choice **FOG** - Fear, Obligation and Guilt. Common feelings experienced by people in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder. [More info here.](https://outofthefog.website/toolbox-1/2015/11/17/fog-fear-obligation-guilt?rq=fear%20obligation) **FOO** - Family of Origin --- ##G **Gaslighting** - Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. [More info here.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting) **GC** - Golden Child **Ghosting** - Gradually going from LC to NC without making a "formal announcement" to our abusers. **Grey Rocking/Grey Rock Technique** - "Do not respond with any emotion when they try and provoke you... In order to go Gray Rock, when you must engage with the Narcissist, only talk about boring things: your laundry, getting your oil changed, doing your taxes. Do not talk about anything that will make them jealous or in any way encourages them to cause drama." This method may be useful when cutting off or reducing contact to an abuser is not possible. Read more about this technique here: http://www.lovefraud.com/2012/02/10/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/ --- ###H **Hoovering** - Narcissistic hoovering refers to attempts made by the narcissist to bring you back into their life – often after a period of distance on your part. Especially if this is a new behaviour for you, the narcissist might hold off for a short while to see if you're really serious about creating that distance. During the process, the narcissist abuser may employ virtually any means necessary to obtain their desired result: the return of the victim to the abusive relationship. These ploys can include attempting to put the victim on a guilt-trip, generating false promises of changed behavior, false promises of too-good-to-be-true gifts, begging, screaming at the victim, use of relationship shame, making threats, insincerely accepting blame for the failure of the relationship, or even using others (flying monkeys) to help persuade the victim to return to the relationship. The abusive narcissist is on a no-holds-barred campaign to convince the victim to return to the abuse and their abusive clutches. --- ##J **J.A.D.E.** - Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. To avoid circular conversations, don't JADE. [(source: Out of the Fog)](https://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/jade-dont-justify-argue-defend-explain?rq=jade) --- ##L **LC** - Low Contact. Technique that reduces contact to the abuser in terms of intensity or frequency. --- ##N **N or Narc** - Narcissist/Narcissistic **NC** - No Contact **NMiL/NFiL** - Narcissistic mother-in-law/father-in-law **NMom/NDad** - Narcissistic mother/father **Nsupply** - The energy or emotional hit that a Narcissist gets from creating an emotional response in their victims --- ##S **SC** - Structured Contact. Technique that permits contact with the abuser within defined boundaries and rules. This may be a useful alternative when LC or NC are not possible or not desirable. **SG** - Scapegoat **SIL** - Sister-In-Law **SoNM** - Son of Narcissistic Mother **SoNF** - Son of Narcissistic Father **Sperm Donor** - Alternate name for abusive/narcissistic father --- ##T **TW** - Trigger Warning --- ##V **VLC** - Very low contact. Like LC, this technique reduces contact with an abuser down to the bare minimum. --- ##W **WOES** - Walking on eggshells. Having to be overly careful or quiet (literally or figuratively) so as not to upset or enrage an abuser. *All permutations of relationships exist*

Just needed a space to vent a bit. I’m currently sitting here (I should be napping while my baby sleeps) watching messages roll by in a private family chat planning a surprise birthday for my brother. On my birthday. I’ve been struggling a lot more with my family during covid, and my partner and I have been extremely selective over everything we do/bring our baby to. This has meant missing out on family stuff, which has royally pissed off my nmom. She’s the type to trash talk behind your back under the guise of “caring”, but has been spreading flat lies about us for the past year. Now my brother’s and my birthdays are 5 days apart. My sister (who I’m currently NC with because of a covid-related fight) is unvaccinated and we refuse to be around her. My family knows this. She and her kids couldn’t make it to the first date my SIL had planned, so they moved it to the following weekend. Specifically? My birthday. My nmom picked the date. They moved it to my birthday to include the person that they know I will choose not to be around. They’re also planning to make sure my other brother and his fiancée, who I haven’t seen in almost a year, can be there. And I’m sitting here waiting for just one person (in a group of 12) to say “…hey wait, isn’t that puddlejumper’s birthday?” I’m just having a hard time with this one. Like I said I’ve been struggling with them for a while and honestly probably would have chosen to skip the event even if my sister weren’t going, but this just feels like such a punch in the gut. Anyway, thanks for listening. My partner and I will do something fun with our daughter on my birthday. Can’t stop thinking about how we’d never treat her like this. Sigh.